It’s been a long time since I have written anything at all. My words have been paralyzed and I have been turned inward toward my fearful heart. I’ve started journaling my story on paper and it’s helping me feel better.
I can also admit publicly now that I’ve also been angry at God….angry that God has let so much trauma happen in my life.
A turning point happened one day last week when I was journaling outside on my back deck, on a beautiful afternoon. I want to value life as a learning experience. I’ve been afraid. I’ve been so very afraid of admitting to myself exactly how angry and afraid I have been. It’s kind of coming out in waves. Healing is happening in waves.
I am learning that I need to enjoy the process of healing. There will never be a grand moment of “acceptance.” I’ve been waiting on that for no reason whatsoever.
I have goals….smiling more, seeing the good around me, being less fearful one step at a time….those are a few of my goals at the moment. I have to start somewhere.